The Watcher

22 February 2010

When I wake up in the morning I can often feel or observe my ego-mind kicking in. I tense up as that part of me swings into action, criticizing something I’ve thought or just remembered that I’d done or worrying over something that’s going to be happening in the upcoming day.

It happens most clearly on Monday mornings, when the school week is about to start.

It seems to be the case that the job of this part of me is to pre-plan how I’ll deal with problems. This sounds productive but the end result is that scenario after scenario gets pre-filtered and pre-pared and pre-chewed and that I’m never comfortable just encountering my life. Even the part that deals in extensive self-criticism is involved in the this management task. I criticize myself so that I can be prepared for the criticism that I fear might be directed at me.

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